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First Ode | ||||
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2505: The House Funk Built |
The following
literary masterpiece was found scrawled on a crumpled-up piece of paper on the
floor of room 704 Sunday morning by Dan and Eric.
This has been edited for comprehensibleness, but original phrasing and
content has been preserved. This
poem composed by the “Notorious FGE” and “Yo Eric, my fuckin’ pseudonym
should be this entire fuckin’ sentence … in quotes” went something like
this (we thinks FGE meant Fuckin’ Gay Eric): .........................................................................................................................
Ode to Nalsa Nier, nier, nier
please Nier,
nier, nier on the wall How
did you get there? Get
the fuck off you crafty bitch.
Fuckin', Fuckin', Fuckin' cosine two theta The
answer is of course two pi. Fuck
you book. Fuckin’,
fuckin’, …fuckin’ ladies always wanting the D Fuck
you. Get
off my jock. Y’all
ever been fucked in the ass? I
haven’t, but that must suck. Did
you fart? What
the fuck? Captain
to the bridge I’m
venting ass-plasma. Fuck
me my ass smells like crotch-cheese Yeah
can I have fries with that? Biggie,
biggie, biggie …supersize that shit. I
heard Mr. Alcohol Poisoning knocking at my door And
I was like “Fuck naw!” “Go
away bitch, I’m not done yet!” I
ain’t gonna drink nalse again unless it’s cold and tastes good Fuck
that. I’m
never drinking nalse again unless it’s cold. God
dammit I smell like a giant ass-pile. Someone
call the fuckin’ CDC Get
your hand out of your pants and stop measuring your penis. Not
yet you hasty-ass bitch! I’m
not done yet. Get
down and suck it you lazy-eyed bitch. I
AM FARTICUS! (incidentally “FARTICUS” is in the spellchecker!) Something
rank crawled up in my asshole …and
died period Why
do they always use that fuckin’ blue liquid in tampon commercials? Jesus
H. Christ! Fuck
if I know. Do I look like I know a
lot about tampons? Dan
needs a bigger playlist Fuck
that, put dat shit on repeat niggs. Thong,
thong, thong, thong, thong! I
found a thong in the elevator, yo. Nier,
nier, nier if you only knew, what I did with it. You
can’t HANDLE the truth … bitch. Nier,
nier, nier how can Dan eat all that fuckin’ cake? I
don’t fuckin’ know Who
gives a fuck? Nier,
nier, nier I’m on firrrrrrrrrrrrrr Somebody
give me some fucking water! Mmm
kay Cyrus The Plant needs some water. I
heard a knocking at my door and I was like fuck I’m sitting on my lazy ass Come
back later …You
shifty-eyed bitch. Yo
my foot’s bleeding Somebody
give me a fucking Band-Aid or some shit …and
some ointment! Yo
if I don’t come back, You
know where I’m at Fuck
all y’all. Fat
bitch in a little thong –fuckin’ gross! Note
to self: Patent crotchless thong …well
maybe I could adapt to loving a plus-size woman. Are
you gonna eat that? Nier,
nier please. -“Notorious FGE” and
“Yo Eric, my fuckin’ pseudonym should be this entire fuckin’ sentence …
in quotes” |
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Odes to Nalsa |
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